Even Fire Can’t Fizzle Your Attitude

Bad things happen to people all the time. Sometimes, very bad things happen. Just a week before her wedding, my daughter’s house burned to the ground. They lost everything -almost everything. They kept the most important things: their lives, their health, and, of course, their attitude. I was so proud of my daughter’s resolve. She didn’t allow the tragedy of the fire to extinguish her positive focus on her future.
Everyone I know was horrified when they learned about the fire assumed we’d cancel. “How can you deal with going through a wedding now?” But I was ecstatic to go on with our plans. My Daughter and new son-in-law were safe. I was excited that I would be able to dance at their wedding. I was excited to celebrate the marriage and life.
Everything that seems like a setback can be an opportunity in disguise. Take a deep breath and recognize this in the moment. Stay focused. A broken relationship could be an opportunity to meet someone new. Losing a job could be an opportunity to change the course and find the job you have always really wanted. A burned house could be an opportunity to start over fresh.
Your lesson for the day: Think about your current challenges. Are they as bad as having everything burned-keepsakes, wedding gifts- find the positive. Are they hidden opportunities? Can you turn them into opportunities? Never lose your positive attitude, no matter what happens. Opportunity is everywhere.

Sell Yourself on a Great Mood

Today as on most days, I gave myself a choice. Could I be in a good mood or a bad mood? I think each of us has to choose to be in a good mood no matter what – and once I made that choice, the challenges of the day became a lot easier.
My family and friends always ask me how I can be in such a good mood most of the time, even in bad times. Why? Because I choose to be in that good mood.
Every morning, your mantra should be that you are going to be in a good mood. In my book, Attitude, I talk about how everything is a sales job. Sell yourself a great deal – that you will stay positive and live the happiest life you can.
Do something to get your blood flowing. Exercise for half an hour, or do some chores around the house. Sometimes I fold laundry or do the dishes – that’s it! Soon, I start thinking about something else.
Write me and let me know what activities help you focus on the positive – sports, hobbies, household projects? Post here and let our readers know what challenges you.

It’s OK to Cry at Night

I cried last night. It happens sometimes since Richard died. I’ll curl up in bed, just before it’s time to go to sleep after a busy, exhausting day, and that’s when I think about Richard. I’ll spend a few minutes at night, just talking to him. Sometimes I let myself cry, just for a minute. Then usually, I go to sleep.

It’s OK to cry. But this morning, when I woke up, I made myself get moving. As I say in my book, you have to Focus, Focus, Focus! I focused on what was ahead for the day and in my life, not what was in the past.

Settling Richard’s estate is one of the most stressful things I’ve ever experienced. I sometimes wake up and think, “Oh my God, I can’t get out of bed today.” But I focus on where I have to be, what I have to do, and then I GO!

Promise me you won’t stay in bed all day. Promise me that you’ll focus on putting those feet on the floor each morning. Once they are there, you’ll get moving.

Focus on your future. Let your heart cry at night, but in the morning, get up, get going, and get on with making your life what you want it to be.

Make Saturday Night Happen

When you are single – whether you’ve always been single, or are recently divorced or widowed – looking at empty Saturday night blocks on your calendar is the toughest thing to handle. On Friday nights, maybe you don’t mind staying in because you’ve worked all week long. But on Saturday nights, being alone feels extra lonely.

My husband, Richard, died earlier this year. Suddenly, after years of a happy marriage, I was alone again. It was very scary to face an empty house, particularly on Saturday nights.

I didn’t wait for the phone to ring. I decided to make Saturday night happen. I reached out to friends and family and started inviting them over to my house for Saturday night dinner parties. It turned out to be the greatest thing for me. Not only were my Saturday nights filled with activity, but preparing kept me busy too: buying groceries, cooking, planning.

Don’t spend Saturday night alone. Invite friends over to your place for a potluck. Reach out to others to make plans instead of waiting for them to contact you. If you don’t have many friends in your life, sign up for a volunteer program that keeps you busy.

Make things happen, don’t let them happen.

Push Through the Quit Barrier

Just like you, there are days when I feel like giving up. Luckily, from somewhere deep inside, I find the strength to push through that feeling. I promise you – you can find the strength to keep going.

A couple of weeks ago, I did a triathlon. I was overwhelmed with trying to settle my late husband’s estate. I knew it was going to be tough, but I wanted to try. When I came to the swimming portion of the triathlon, I got into the water and suddenly, weariness just overtook me. I threw up my hands and called for the rescue canoe to pull me out. I said, “I quit!”

Deep inside, I felt that Richard, my late husband, motivated me to keep swimming. I have felt that maybe, just maybe, if Richard had pushed through that emotional barrier and fought harder against his cancer, he might have won that race and would be with me here today. I spent many hours and days trying to motivate him. I know how hard it must have been for him.

No matter what monumental challenge you are facing – a job loss, illness, divorce, money problems – you CAN push through that “quit barrier.” You can find the strength to stay in the race. I did – something, maybe my husband’s spirit or my memory of him, pushed me to keep going. I won my age group that day.

Don’t give up.

Going Uphill? Get a Boost From Behind

Exercise has been a boost for me during many challenging times in my life. After my divorce, I started running to raise my spirits. In a year, I went from a casual jogger of a couple of miles to completing a marathon. Later, I started biking, swimming, doing triathlons. Nothing makes me feel better physically or emotionally.

Shortly after Richard’s death, I was grieving and hurt, but I knew I had to get back into exercise or I’d only feel worse. I started biking with a local group. It sounded fun and would also get me out of the house. During one of our first rides, we went up a hill. Suddenly, I realized I wasn’t going to make it. It wasn’t just that I was out of practice – the sadness from my recent loss felt like a lead weight on my body. So the guy leading the bike group came up behind me and started pushing me and my bike up the hill. With his help, I made it. Now, I’m back in shape and entering triathlons again.

It’s OK to ask for a boost from behind when you’re struggling to make it up a hill. I don’t mean just when you’re on a bike. During any type of challenge in your life – job loss, divorce, illness, loss, loneliness – getting a push from a friend can be just what you need until you regain your momentum. Just ask for it, accept it, and keep moving.

Never Stop Fighting Cancer

The shocking news that actor Michael Douglas had stage-4 throat cancer really hit me like a brick, as my husband Richard recently died from this same type of tumor. When I saw the news about Douglas, I couldn’t believe this was happening.

Douglas is 66, and just released a sequel to his hit movie “Wall Street.” Like his character in that movie, Gordon Gekko, Michael Douglas seems like he makes things happen – he’s a fighter. He says he’s taking the same attitude with his throat cancer. He just finished his chemotherapy, and supposedly his prognosis is good. I know from experience how draining this must be for his family.

I like his fighting spirit. When it comes to cancer, you have to dig very deep inside yourself to fight the disease, and you can’t let up for a second. Michael Douglas is an inspiration to me and he can be one for you too, no matter what battle you are fighting. Don’t give up, or you will never win. I hope and believe he will win this fight.

Attitude Is Survival

Life is like a marathon. You must not only push through the most difficult, painful moments to finish the race, you must get in great condition first so you will have the tools to do so. Your attitude is your mental conditioning to take on the marathon of life.
Challenges come when you least expect them. On March 12, 2010, I accompanied my husband to the doctor to check out a soreness in his throat. She put a scope into his throat and within seconds, offered this terrible diagnosis: “You have cancer.” In seconds, our lives changed. “How bad?” my husband asked her. “Stage 3 or 4,” she replied. It was a deadly tumor – all of our energies now focused on how to respond to this challenge.
The news was devastating, but I did not cry. I don’t think I was being strong – I really believe I was in shock. Afterward, for two weeks, I did cry – a lot. I cried when I thought about what was happening to my husband, but I also cried whenever one of our friends reached out to us to help, to bring dinner to our house or a card or a hug. Their outpouring of care made me weep. I realized that I had never been as caring or compassionate as these friends were being for me. They gave me back my strength.
After the two-week period of grief and tears, I refocused and began practicing what I had been preaching. Attitude is everything. Life throws terrible things at you sometimes. But your attitude determines everything – attitude is survival.

Don’t Let Setbacks Set You Back

Another hot story in the news this week is in the sports pages. Stephen Strasburg, a 22-year-old pitcher for the Washington Nationals baseball team, had been one of the most talked-about young athletes this year. His debut was covered by the press and everyone was talking about his future.
Just a few months later, Strasburg was injured in a game. The diagnosis was that he’d torn his UCL ligament in his right elbow. It’s a very bad injury for a baseball pitcher. The doctors told him he’d have to undergo surgery and he’ll spend months, maybe a year in rehab.
Some sports reporters and baseball fans thought his young career was over before it had barely started. But this 22-year-old pitcher has a different attitude about it: “It’s a new challenge,” said Strasburg. “I want to be the best at everything. Now I’m going to be the best at rehabbing.”
Now that’s a great attitude. Getting through an injury is very tough. It takes patience and hard work. But you won’t get where you want to be in life without patience and hard work. Strasburg’s attitude is the best tool he has right now to fight this challenge and come back strong.

Smile, Sparkle, Survive

The last few days I’ve seen a series of TV interviews with Sandra Bullock. She’s a beautiful, successful movie star, but everyone knows the hard times she went through earlier this year. Shortly after Sandra won an Oscar, wearing a sparkling white gown and looking gorgeous, news reports revealed that her husband, Jesse James, had been cheating on her. Humiliated, she quickly ended her marriage.
I’m impressed with the way Sandra Bullock handled this public spectacle. She took some time to stay out of the spotlight and figure out what she needed to do. Smart move. When she finally came back into the spotlight to do interviews, it wasn’t to talk about her failed marriage, it was to make a happy announcement: she’d adopted a baby.
This week, she’s doing more interviews about her new baby and her new life. On the Today show on NBC, she said: “Everything works out the way the universe wants it to work out.” What a fantastic attitude. She turned her pain into opportunity. She is on top of her industry as an actress and producer. She’s a new mom. She looks terrific and fit. She’s smiling now, and she has every reason to smile, because she has a positive attitude and knows everything is possible.